Zombie Dave is among the most legendary - and infamous - of Digitiser characters. Debuting in 1998, he replaced Chester Fisho on the mini news page after his aquatic predecessor had been deemed to have veered too close to innuendo. In a subversive masterstroke, Mr Biffo used Zombie Dave to get even stronger filth past the unwitting Teletext sub editors and on the air. As a decaying member of the zombie horde, his strangulated, mournful moans were employed to pass comment on the day's news - outwardly they seemed like the innocent brainless vocalisations of the living dead, but on closer examination seemed to have some strange, deeper meaning. Can you decipher what he was saying? The Teletext subs certainly couldn't! "Zmbr Drrvv srrzzz shrtt thrrr frrgg rrrpp."
Zombie Dave's directorial advice: "Hrrr shrrrd drrrctt prrrnrr mrrrvrrz."
On his Internet use: "Rrrr drrrnnlrrdd rrrdd prrrcttrzzz"
On alt.digitiser: "Rrrzz fffrrl rrrff ffrrggrzz."
On Lara Croft: "Thrrdz thrr brrrd wrrz thrr tttrrrdz."
"Lrrrg rrrr grrrrv rrr shrrrrrrd."
"Wrrrrd rrr lrrrd rrrf frrrgn crrrr."
It does what?: "Thrrrd grrrvz mrr rrrn rrrrrrrkshn."
On Star Wars: "Drrrd Vrrrgrrrr rrrz rrrr wurrngrrr."
"Srrrrd yrrrrrr hrrrrd rrrd, twrrrdz."
On Sega's future: "Srrrgrrr rrrz prrblrrr brrrrgrrrrrrd."
On Namco's games for the DC: "Lrrrg thrrrrdrrl frrrrgn hrrrlp."
On games corportations: "Crrrprrtrrrrlrrrrsd frrrrgwrdz."
And on their plans: "Mrrrr frrrrrrgn mrrrnrrr frrr thrrrm."
On TV: "Drrrnt frrrgrrd thrr rrdrrrlt chrrnlz."
"Yrrr. Vvrrrrr frrrgn rrrndrrrssstrng."
On Seaman: "Mrr mrrrthr rrrz frrl rrrf thrrt."
On the Internet: "Rrr rrntrnrt rrz rnlrr grrd frr prrn."
On a gift of jewellery: "Rrr grrrrft rrrf rr prrrrl nrrrrglrrs."
On his millennium plans: "Rrm hrvrng srcks frr thrr Mrrlrrnrm."
On the weird girl from the 'land on your own moon' PS ad: "Rrrrl mrrrrn mrrrr rrrrz rrrt hrrrr."
On a neighbour: "Mrrr nrrrbrrr rrrz rrr prrzz rrtrrzd."
"Shrrv rrt rrrp yrrrrr chrrrrrf."
On 'fish': "Frrshrr lrrrg rrr smrrrlrr frrnnrr."
On the French: "Thrrr frrrgz crrrn frrrrg rrrt rrrf."
On the colour of his 'controller': "Mrrrrr crrrnttrrrlrrr rrrz prrrrprrl."
On his family: "Mrrr grrrn hrrrz rrr smrrlrr frrnrrr."
On Sonic: "Srrrnrrrrrg rrrrz rrrrr frrrrgwrrrt."
On the DVD add-on for the DC: "Rrrl brr rrbrl trr wrtch rrrd flrrmz!"
On the DC's zip drive, allowing the storage of 'data': "Drrtrrr? Yrrr mrrrn prrrrnrrrrr!"
On what they should focus on: "Thrr shrrd frrcrrz rrn mrrr rrrssrhl."
On swans: "Rrrrd lrrrg trrrr zhrrrrg rr srrrn."
On Tim Henman: "Hrrrnmrrn? Frrrrsh-frrzrd frrrrgrr."
On 'DVD': "Rrrv grrrt Vrrrr Drrrrr rrrv mrr rrn."
On 007: "Jrrrmz Brrrrnd rrrrz rrrr wrrrrngrrrr."
On Star Wars: "Rrrrv grrrt rrr prrprrl lrrtsrrbrr."
On photography: "Rrr lrrk frrtrrz frfv mrr rrrrrrrrrrz."
On Nintendo's new console: "Thrr shrrd crrrrl rrt Shrrrdcrrrnd."
On French customs seizures being made up of 42% Pokémon goods: "Yrrz. Rnd thrr rzzzd wrrrz drrrldrrz."
On his favourite type of painting: "Rrr lrrk prrrntrrrnz rrv frrrrrnrrrz."
Do you know of any important moments from the annals of Digi history that have been omitted? If so, then mail me (superpage58@gmail.com) right now, man. Credit will be duly given for anything that gets put up.
