2002 - Snow White & The Seven Dwarves
SCENE 1: SNOW WHITE'S HOUSE
Snow White is washing up.
SNOW WHITE: Oh, I really hate washing up. Also, I cannot remember the story of Snow White And The Seven Dwarves. Is this the one with the ugly sisters?
Enter Sonic The Hedgehog.
SONIC: Radical! I'm the hedgehog with attitude: the token videogame reference in this year's Digitiser panto. Observe my red sneakers, and lack of any other clothing. Look at me bounce, woman!
Sonic The Hedgehog curls into a ball, and starts whizzing around on the spot.
SNOW WHITE: What are you doing now?
SONIC: I'm whizzing!
SNOW WHITE: Yes, and it's going everywhere. Please desist. Tell me, can you remember the story of Snow White?
SONIC: Not really. Does it have something to to with my rad attitude?
SNOW WHITE: I don't think so.
SCENE 2: THE SCARY FOREST
Snow White strolls along a path.
SNOW WHITE: Oh, who will be able to tell me the story of Snow White?
Enter Peter Pan.
PETER PAN: I can! I'm the boy who never grew up!
SNOW WHITE: That's one way of looking at it. Another way is that you're suffering from what psychologists call a "nervous breakdown". You're 46.
Peter Pan starts flying around.
SNOW WHITE: How come you can fly?
PETER PAN: My body is composed of a sponge-like substance, which is filled with a lighter-than-air gas.
SNOW WHITE: Do you mind if I smoke?
PETER PAN: No! The gas is highly flamma...aaieee!
Peter Pan's shrieking death-throes pierce the night as he erupts in flame.
Enter the Seven Dwarves.
SNOW WHITE: At last! Seven little guys. Do you know the story of Snow White?
DOC: Yes, but first allow me to introduce my associates. I'm Doc (It's short for 'Doctor Who'). That's Nudey, this is Pant-Free, over there are Bare-Legs, Big-Bulb, Johnson and Aquarium.
SNOW WHITE: What funny little guys!
DOC: Don't patronise us. Dwarfism is genetic.
SNOW WHITE: So, Seven Dwarves, do you know the story of this pantomime we appear to be in?
JOHNSON: Aren't we supposed to kidnap you, and keep you in our cellar, until you eventually die of malnutrition?
SNOW WHITE: I... I don't think so.
Enter Peter Pan's Friend.
PETER PAN'S FRIEND: Excuse me, have you seen my... Oh no! Peter is all burnt-up and crispy!
SCENE 3: DWARVES' COTTAGE
SNOW WHITE: So, what do dwarves like to do in the evening?
DOC: All kinds of stuff. Sometimes we watch TV, read a bit... last night Nudey went to a gig, and the night before that we sacrificed a frog and frolicked naked in the moonlight.
SNOW WHITE: Why?
DOC: Hey - first you laugh at our size, and now you're mocking our lifestyle.
SNOW WHITE: This has all been a lot of fun, but we're not any closer to knowing what this story is about.
JOHNSON: For me, it seems to be about one man's absolution for his past sins.
SNOW WHITE: Yes. Yes, it's a shame about Peter Pan, though.
Enter Peter Pan's Friend, carrying the crispy remains of Peter Pan.
PETER PAN'S FRIEND: Let's eat Peter!
THE END
More pant-ohs to read with your eyes: here
1993 - CHINDERELLA
1994 - JACK AND THE BENA-MO
1995 - DAVID BELT AND THE SEVEN DWARVES
1997 - BABES IN THE WOOD
1998 - HONEY I SHRUNK THE DWARVES
1999 - SNOW BROWN & THE SEVEN SPORKS
2000 - THE WIZARD OF OZ: PART 2
2014 - DAVID BELT & THE BEANSTALK: PART ONE, PART TWO (DIGITISER 2000)
2015 - CHANDERELLA (DIGITISER 2000)
2016 - HALLOWEEN PANT-OH: THE WOMAN IN BROWN (DIGITISER 2000)
2017 - THE WIZARD OF OZ (DIGITISER 2000)
2018 - FARTING (SLEEPING) BEAUTY (DIGITISER 2000)
2020 - DIGITISER'S A CHRISTMAS CAROL
Do you know of any important moments from the annals of Digi history that have been omitted? If so, then mail me (superpage58@gmail.com) right now, man. Credit will be duly given for anything that gets put up.
