The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Games Company Complaint

3 October 2001

Prrrrthhhsssss... I'm Phoning Honey, the TV-centric telephonic prankster!

Who am I? Nobody knows that. What do I do? I play jokes on game guys. How do I do it? I do it over the phone. Why do I do it? I do it to make myself, and children everywhere, laugh themselves sick!

This week I called a leading games company to express my outrage over their violent products. The names of the games, and the parties involved, have all been changed. Hooray!


PG: Hello, Popular.

US: Hello there. I wondered if there was someone I could talk to about one of your games.

PG: Is this a technical problem, or are you looking for release dates or tips?

US: None of the above. I want to make a complaint. I'm VERY angry.

PG: OK. Just hold on a second, please.

US: Tsk. What choice do I have?

PG: Customer services.

US: Finally! Now listen, I just bought one of your games, and my son was playing it, and I caught sight of the images within the game, and they were, frankly, appalling.

PG: OK. What game is this?

US: Gore Zone III.

PG: Right. How old is your son?

US: He's four.

PG: I see. Well, Gore Zone III is actually for ages 15 and over.

US: You could at least say that on the packaging.

PG: It does say that on the packaging.

US: Where?

PG: On the back, there should be a box with suggested ages, and ticks.

US: Let me see... ticks. Oh this?! It's just a load of numbers and ticks. How am I supposed to know what that means?

PG: The thing is, we didn't actually design the age guidelines. The way they do it was down to ELSPA.

US: Who?

PG: The European games industry association.





US: Well, look, my son has possibly been traumatised by the images he's seen in this game. He could be having nightmares for years by what he's seen.

PG: I understand that. We would be happy to replace it with a less contentious game.

US: Oh? And what will be in that one? More ruptured torsos? Nudism?

PG: We have a football game that might be suitable.

US: Is there rioting in it?

PG: The football game is for all ages.

US: He doesn't like football. He's just a big girl.

PG: We have other suitable games. If you send us back the game with a covering letter we're happy to provide a replacement.

US: But then he'd be without a game for a short while.

PG: Well... yes.

US: To hell with you, man!


Do you know of any important moments from the annals of Digi history that have been omitted? If so, then mail me ( right now, man. Credit will be duly given for anything that gets put up.

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