Games Company Complaint
3 October 2001
Prrrrthhhsssss... I'm Phoning Honey, the TV-centric telephonic prankster!
Who am I? Nobody knows that. What do I do? I play jokes on game guys. How do I do it? I do it over the phone. Why do I do it? I do it to make myself, and children everywhere, laugh themselves sick!
This week I called a leading games company to express my outrage over their violent products. The names of the games, and the parties involved, have all been changed. Hooray!
POPULAR GAMES LTD.
PG: Hello, Popular.
US: Hello there. I wondered if there was someone I could talk to about one of your games.
PG: Is this a technical problem, or are you looking for release dates or tips?
US: None of the above. I want to make a complaint. I'm VERY angry.
PG: OK. Just hold on a second, please.
US: Tsk. What choice do I have?
PG: Customer services.
US: Finally! Now listen, I just bought one of your games, and my son was playing it, and I caught sight of the images within the game, and they were, frankly, appalling.
PG: OK. What game is this?
US: Gore Zone III.
PG: Right. How old is your son?
US: He's four.
PG: I see. Well, Gore Zone III is actually for ages 15 and over.
US: You could at least say that on the packaging.
PG: It does say that on the packaging.
US: Where?
PG: On the back, there should be a box with suggested ages, and ticks.
US: Let me see... ticks. Oh this?! It's just a load of numbers and ticks. How am I supposed to know what that means?
PG: The thing is, we didn't actually design the age guidelines. The way they do it was down to ELSPA.
US: Who?
PG: The European games industry association.
US: The EGIA?
PG: No, ELSPA.
US: EGIA?
PG: ELSPA.
US: Well, look, my son has possibly been traumatised by the images he's seen in this game. He could be having nightmares for years by what he's seen.
PG: I understand that. We would be happy to replace it with a less contentious game.
US: Oh? And what will be in that one? More ruptured torsos? Nudism?
PG: We have a football game that might be suitable.
US: Is there rioting in it?
PG: The football game is for all ages.
US: He doesn't like football. He's just a big girl.
PG: We have other suitable games. If you send us back the game with a covering letter we're happy to provide a replacement.
US: But then he'd be without a game for a short while.
PG: Well... yes.
US: To hell with you, man!
PHONECALL ENDS
Do you know of any important moments from the annals of Digi history that have been omitted? If so, then mail me (superpage58@gmail.com) right now, man. Credit will be duly given for anything that gets put up.
