With A Famous Pop Singer

12 July 1994 - WITH A FAMOUS POP SINGER

Being a famous pop singer, I'm often asked whether I have a big bath or not.

It's a confusing question for sure. Do they want to know the size of my bath, or the amount of time I spend in it?

I have a standard answer to the question. I just say: "Spindellion".

13 July 1994 - WITH A FAMOUS POP SINGER

I was relaxing in my en suite bathroom last night, when I heard a rattling sound from my bedroom.

I pulled on my pants, got out of the bath, and strode into the other room.

Imagine my surprise when I found nothing in there! I had accidentally walked into the wrong room - the laundry room!

15 July 1994 - WITH A FAMOUS POP SINGER

I was in the bath yesterday lunchtime, when I spilt my peas into the water.

I jumped up perhaps a little too quickly, as I caught my hairs in the clothes horse.

So there I was, screaming and swinging the horsie around and around, when my minder, Pumis, entered. He nearly died with fright!

16 July 1994 - WITH A FAMOUS POP SINGER

I've just bought a new bath made out of cow hair.

The trouble is, when it gets wet, the bath gives off the irresistible odour of peat.

All around the edge you can see bite marks where I've become overwhelmed with desire. The bigger ones belong to my minder, Pumis. He's got fangs.

18 July 1994 - WITH A FAMOUS POP SINGER

I have an extensive collection of baths in the shed round the back of my lovely house.

The oldest one is a red, wooden bath, made by the Romans in 1785.

Another bath is even older, and was created by the frogmen of the space year 2004 BC. It's made out of volcanic rock.

19 July 1994 - WITH A FAMOUS POP SINGER

I'm off to the Bath and Coracle Exhibition at the Hollywood Bowl today.

I'm hoping to see some really special stuff, including a bath of ice which has to be kept at 2000 degrees below Fahrenheit.

I am trying to develop a tin bath made out of pure fire and larvae.

20 July 1994 - WITH A FAMOUS POP SINGER

I've been in the bath now for about sixty seven hours. I'm trying to break the record held by Joss Ackland, who was once in the bath for a whole century - the 12th century!

I am hoping to break his record by eight minutes.

Failing that, I will just have a lovely wash.

21 July 1994 - WITH A FAMOUS POP SINGER

I failed in my bid to be in a bath for longer than most other singers.

My record attempt was destroyed by fire - a terrible blaze that swept over my legs and my faces.

It wasn't all bad, though. Kirsty MacColl phoned up and sang me a song about enamels.

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