Man Diary - With Prints

 

With A Famous Pop Singer

12/7/94-21/7/94

12 July 1994 - WITH A FAMOUS POP SINGER

Being a famous pop singer, I'm often asked whether I have a big bath or not.

It's a confusing question for sure. Do they want to know the size of my bath, or the amount of time I spend in it?

I have a standard answer to the question. I just say: "Spindellion".


13 July 1994 - WITH A FAMOUS POP SINGER

I was relaxing in my en suite bathroom last night, when I heard a rattling sound from my bedroom.

I pulled on my pants, got out of the bath, and strode into the other room.

Imagine my surprise when I found nothing in there! I had accidentally walked into the wrong room - the laundry room!


15 July 1994 - WITH A FAMOUS POP SINGER

I was in the bath yesterday lunchtime, when I spilt my peas into the water.

I jumped up perhaps a little too quickly, as I caught my hairs in the clothes horse.

So there I was, screaming and swinging the horsie around and around, when my minder, Pumis, entered. He nearly died with fright!


16 July 1994 - WITH A FAMOUS POP SINGER

I've just bought a new bath made out of cow hair.

The trouble is, when it gets wet, the bath gives off the irresistible odour of peat.

All around the edge you can see bite marks where I've become overwhelmed with desire. The bigger ones belong to my minder, Pumis. He's got fangs.


21 July 1994 - WITH A FAMOUS POP SINGER

I failed in my bid to be in a bath for longer than most other singers.

My record attempt was destroyed by fire - a terrible blaze that swept over my legs and my faces.

It wasn't all bad, though. Kirsty MacColl phoned up and sang me a song about enamels.


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