25 July 1995 - NEWSPAPER
Further scandal beset our fledgling newspaper yesterday, when our TV reviewer, Henny Auld-Irons, was caught de-scaling the giant kettle in Trafalgar Square.
She told police that her brain was being controlled by space sprats. When the police attempted to handcuff her, she began coughing up roe. The stench was so overwhelming, the officers were forced to put bins on their heads.