The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Is The Mayor Now


13 May 1995 - IS THE MAYOR NOW

I've begun doing laws.

LAW 1: Dogs must walk in a funny way to make me laugh.

LAW 2: Cats must walk as much like the dogs as they can.

LAW 3: People can walk however they want, providing it makes me laugh a lot.

15 May 1995 - IS THE MAYOR NOW

Here are more laws:

LAW 4: Food must be prepared in a sealed environment.

LAW 4b: Restaurant food may be prepared in an orange room.

LAW 9: When food is consumed, blokes must make a noise like a breaking window.

16 May 1995 - IS THE MAYOR NOW

Here are some more laws:

LAW 18: A new type of gun will be issued to all citizens. It's called "death-ray 3", and can induce nausea in pigs.

LAW 32: When someone drops a cup, it shouldn't be allowed to break anymore, under this law.

17 May 1995 - IS THE MAYOR NOW

As part of my mayoral duties I spent today opening a fete staged by the Round Table.

The opening ceremony involved Aztec Camera abseiling down the inside of a massive fibreglass dubloon.

Classix Nouveau were waiting at the bottom carrying a tall scout.

19 May 1995 - IS THE MAYOR NOW

I think I may be out of a job.

At the opening of a new roller disco last night I misread my script. Instead of saying "I wish you all a night of rolling laughter", I said "I wish you would all stop laughing - let's go back to bed."

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