At The Hospital
29/5/95-2/6/95
29 May 1995 - AT THE HOSPITAL
What a weekend! My new friend, Jacob Davids (as in Jacobs' Crackers), invited me to a BBQ at his mother's house.
It was rather bizarre. When I got there, his dad was grilling the paper plates.
When I asked him why, he spun around and sank his teeth into the fence. This would've been funny, but the fence was made out of frozen poison.
30 May 1995 - AT THE HOSPITAL
I spent the Bank Holiday up the hospital. Jacob's dad had swallowed a pint of wolfsbane.
The family first noticed something was amiss when Daddy Davids began to glow like a diode.
After five minutes, he began to blink on and off. The doctor tried to make a joke out of this by putting foil near his head, and chanting: "Lighthouse man! Lighthouse man!"
31 May 1995 - HOSPITAL PORTER
I started my new job today. I'm working as a porter in the hospital where Jacob's dad is.
My boss is a man called Dickson Fold, who has a string trailing from the back of his skull. When he's operating, it's my job to pull the string when he gets too close to the patient's stomach.
He's a good doctor, but loves the smell of blood.
1 June 1995 - HOSPITAL PORTER
I had to help the doctors operate on Jacob's dad. The poison had worked its way into his hair.
Dr Fold started to shave it off with a broken bottle, but we held him back, saying: "Fold, Fold, we must hold!"
This caused him to laugh so much, he had to be led into the stock room, where we repeatedly fired a starting pistol into the air.
2 June 1995 - HOSPITAL PORTER
Good news! Jacob's dad has been saved. It was all looking grim when Dr Fold gave the order to pump the daddy full of gas.
He floated out through a window, and up into space, where alien doctors sucked the poison out of his hair with a special moon gun.
When he floated back down, Jacob greeted him with the words: "Space daddy came bouncing back to me!"
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