Driving Instructor
1/5/97-7/5/97
1 May 1997 - DRIVING INSTRUCTOR
I've got a new job as a driving instructor. Honestly, you wouldn't believe the idiots I get in my car! Last night I gave a lesson to Peter Parker, AKA Spider-Man.
Not only did his hands keep sticking to the steering wheel, but whenever he tried to do a three-point turn, he accidentally fired his web-shooters and covered the dashboard with his sticky strands. I've only ever seen him in the comics - I had no idea his webs stank of rotting prawn crackers.
2 May 1997 - DRIVING INSTRUCTOR
I got a bit drunk last night, and fell asleep in the car while I was taking a lesson. When I awoke I had no idea where I was and started to panic.
The driver had tried to steer the car into a layby, but had succeeded in crashing it through the door of a church. My heart started to race and I began punching the dashboard and kicking the door. I was screaming for help when the driver mentioned that I'd only been asleep for ten seconds.
6 May 1997 - DRIVING INSTRUCTOR
Being a driving instructor is great. Not only do I get to teach people how to drive, but I get to scare them really badly for a joke.
Last night I was teaching some old lady to drive when I suddenly threw myself out of the car. I was slightly bruised, and had a cracked sternum, but it was worth it to see the expression on her face when she finally managed to bring the car under control. It was something of a double whammy, because as she administered first aid, I bit her hand!
7 May 1997 - DRIVING INSTRUCTOR
I think I'm going to give up being a driving instructor: people have no respect for my profession. For example, last night I was trying to teach a skinhead how to drive, but he insisted on bringing his mates along.
They sat in the back and took the mickey out of me throughout the lesson. Lager was thrown over the back of my head, and a cold flannel was pushed into my face. I finally lost my temper when one of them began firing a shotgun at the floor.
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