If ever you needed proof of the general rule that sequels aren't as good as the originals; then surely the Jaws franchise is the proud termite atop the mound of the cuss. Maybe it's something to do with those that followed the original not having a literary foundation on which to base their demented-idiot of a plot device that families of sharks carry grudges. And are willing to swim hundreds of miles to the Caribbean in order to wreak their fish-breath revenge on the kin of the "leggers" that did their cousins in. Plus the original had the attractive draw for filmgoers of the twin-headed freak of Steven Spielberg's direction and the "naughty bits" which were in the book, but not the film; the teasing pigs. With 3D very much "a thing" once again, maybe Digi's scripts will be revisited and we'll get another sharkuss special...
EXT. BEACH. NIGHT
A BOY and a GIRL frolick on the sand.
BOY: Ha ha! This is real good fun!
GIRL: Wait. Do you hear something? It sounded like a shark.
BOY: It's just your imagination.
A huge shark slithers onto the beach.
GIRL: Aieee! A shark! It's slithering towards us on it's stomach!
BOY: That isn't a stomach - it's a million tiny legs, like a millipede!
INT. SHARK LAB
A shark EXPERT studies photographs.
EXPERT: This photo is of a shark. I just know it is.
ASSISTANT: Where did you get that? Those are my holiday photos. And that's a photo of Warwick Castle.
EXPERT: Look here - this is the eye of a shark, the teeth...
ASSISTANT: That's a portcullis.
EXPERT: We must alert the authorities. Jaws has returned to our shores!
INT. SHARK LAB
A shark EXPERT studies photographs.
EXPERT: We must alert the authorities. Judging from these photographs, our shores are plagued by a giant shark.
ASSISTANT: How can you tell that from a passport photo of your mother?
EXPERT: You see the lines here - the unmistakable lines of a shark's gill.
ASSISTANT: That's your mother's hat.
EXPERT: Mock if you will, fool, but I've seen these creatures up close...
EXT. PARK
EXPERT: Row fast, dolt! The shark is closing on us!
ASSISTANT: It isn't a shark. It's a duck, or something?
EXPERT: You won't be so smug when it bites off your leg.
ASSISTANT: It's bill wouldn't even fit around my ankle.
EXPERT: Sigh... They have detachable lower jaws, you know. That's why they're called "sharks".
INT. BEDROOM
ASSISTANT(sleepily): Wha? What's all that noise? Who dares wake me?
EXPERT: It's me, your employer the shark expert.
ASSISTANT: What do you want? It's 4am.
EXPERT: Look at this cool thing! It's Frankenstein's head. It was in a bin.
ASSISTANT: Urgh! That's disgusting. But what has that got to do with sharks?
EXPERT: Nothing really. I just thought it was cool.
Do you know of any important moments from the annals of Digi history that have been omitted? If so, then mail me (superpage58@gmail.com) right now, man. Credit will be duly given for anything that gets put up.
