If ever you needed proof of the general rule that sequels aren't as good as the originals, then surely the Jaws franchise is the proud termite atop the mound of the cuss. Maybe it's something to do with those that followed the original not having a literary foundation on which to base their demented-idiot of a plot device that families of sharks carry grudges. And are willing to swim hundreds of miles to the Caribbean in order to wreak their fish-breath revenge on the kin of the "leggers" that did their cousins in.
Plus, the original had the attractive draw for filmgoers of the twin-headed freak of Steven Spielberg's direction and the "naughty bits" which were in the book, but not the film, the teasing pigs. With 3D very much "a thing" once again, maybe Digi's scripts will be revisited and we'll get another sharkuss special...
EXT. BEACH. NIGHT
A BOY and a GIRL frolick on the sand.
BOY: Ha ha! This is real good fun!
GIRL: Wait. Do you hear something? It sounded like a shark.
BOY: It's just your imagination.
A huge shark slithers onto the beach.
GIRL: Aieee! A shark! It's slithering towards us on it's stomach!
BOY: That isn't a stomach - it's a million tiny legs, like a millipede!
INT. SHARK LAB
A shark EXPERT studies photographs.
EXPERT: This photo is of a shark. I just know it is.
ASSISTANT: Where did you get that? Those are my holiday photos. And that's a photo of Warwick Castle.
EXPERT: Look here - this is the eye of a shark, the teeth...
ASSISTANT: That's a portcullis.
EXPERT: We must alert the authorities. Jaws has returned to our shores!
INT. SHARK LAB
A shark EXPERT studies photographs.
EXPERT: We must alert the authorities. Judging from these photographs, our shores are plagued by a giant shark.
ASSISTANT: How can you tell that from a passport photo of your mother?
EXPERT: You see the lines here - the unmistakable lines of a shark's gill.
ASSISTANT: That's your mother's hat.
EXPERT: Mock if you will, fool, but I've seen these creatures up close...
EXT. PARK
EXPERT: Row fast, dolt! The shark is closing on us!
ASSISTANT: It isn't a shark. It's a duck, or something?
EXPERT: You won't be so smug when it bites off your leg.
ASSISTANT: It's bill wouldn't even fit around my ankle.
EXPERT: Sigh... They have detachable lower jaws, you know. That's why they're called "sharks".
INT. BEDROOM
ASSISTANT(sleepily): Wha? What's all that noise? Who dares wake me?
EXPERT: It's me, your employer the shark expert.
ASSISTANT: What do you want? It's 4am.
EXPERT: Look at this cool thing! It's Frankenstein's head. It was in a bin.
ASSISTANT: Urgh! That's disgusting. But what has that got to do with sharks?
EXPERT: Nothing really. I just thought it was cool.
Do you know of any important moments from the annals of Digi history that have been omitted? If so, then mail me (superpage58@gmail.com) right now, man. Credit will be duly given for anything that gets put up.
