The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


This edition of Ring-sir! originally appeared on Day 4 of Mr Biffo's Digitiser 25th anniversary celebrations, where classic teletext-style renditions of Digi were made from scratch. The whole week of these specially-created pages was a joy, and like welcoming back an old friend.

Now, let's welcome back one of them in particular...

Online Helpdesk Prank

4 January 2018

Hello. I am Phoning Honey. You might remember me as the auditory prankner who made the phunnington fonecalls. These days, I mostly just prank those guys n' gulls who man online helpdesks. Hunng-hnng!

Why do I do this? It is because I was abandoned as a child in a provincial public lavatory, and raised by the town gloryman. It was his job to provide the glory holes for all of Essex! His name? Why, it was Rodney-Bob Bobrod.

Here: me new helpdesk pranky. All names have been changed to protect you (me).


HELPDESK: Hi. This is Jay. How are you today?

US: Not so good.

HELPDESK: I'm sorry to hear that. Hope I can improve your day.

US: That's what I’m hoping, Jay. That is my greatest hope of all.

HELPDESK: So how can I help you?

US: I'm interested in your email marketing software. I've got a few questions for you. Can you answer them?

HELPDESK: That's what I’m here for. Can I ask who I’m speaking to?

US: It's Honey.

HELPDESK: Ok Honey. What can I help you with exactly?

US: It says that you offer animation software for emails, and I want to know whether it'll allow me to send an email to my customers which shows me stepping out of a limosine which is parked at the top of a weir, and then I fall over the weir, and I'm washed down river where my daddy is waiting for me.

HELPDESK: Can I ask which software you were specifically interested in?

US: The email animation software.

HELPDESK: Do you have the name of a package?

US: You mean like you want me to give a package a name? What about Petre – as in Petre The Package? Petre is pronounced "peh-tra".

HELPDESK: I mean is there a specific product that we sell that you're interested in?

HELPDESK: Can I ask what sort of business this relates to?

US: You can ask, but my employer has instructed me not to answer that question. "He" values his anonymity, if you catch my drift <WINK-WINK>.

HELPDESK: Is there anything else I can help you with today?

US: Yes, Malcolm.

HELPDESK: OK. Fire away.

US: 110101110101010101111111100111!


Do you know of any important moments from the annals of Digi history that have been omitted? If so, then mail me ( right now, man. Credit will be duly given for anything that gets put up.

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