29 March 1997 - TOY DESIGNER
I've been designing a range of pocket money toys for poor children. The toys will all be priced at 97p and feature colourful styling.
The first toy is "The Revolting Lump". I scooped a load of matter out of my bathroom plughole, and thought what a wonderful toy it'd make. We have begun mass-producing "Revolting Lumps" in a forty-foot replica of my sink. I also designed "Young Malcolm". It's basically a couple of pegs on a chain.
1 April 1997 - TOY DESIGNER
We've extended our range of Only Fools and Horses action figures to include minor characters.
You'll soon be able to get hold of Boycey (with "Chest-Concealed Rocket Launcher"), Trigger (with "Pivoting Wrist Action"), and Del-Boy's bird, whatever her name is. We're also producing a playset replica of Del-Boy's flat, which is stuffed with special features, and comes packaged with an exclusive figure of a slightly younger Del-Boy.