Medieval Alchemist
23/10/96-26/10/96
23 October 1996 - MEDIEVAL ALCHEMIST
I'm finally out of prison, and contemplating a new life as a medieval alchemist. I've already bought a small tower on a plot of moorland.
I've even had a commission from the local council, who want me to transform a couple of puddles into mercury, and a curry into a plate of sultanas! I tried to explain there would be problems with the curry because it already contained sultanas, but they weren't listening.
25 October 1996 - MEDIEVAL ALCHEMIST
I've only been an alchemist for a couple of days, but I've already had an accident.
The mayor paid me a visit last night to bless my business, and I got so excited I spilt my magic sauce all over his frock.
He wasn't too bothered at first, but as I tried to wipe it off I noticed the material was beginning to change. Within 10 minutes the mayor was wearing clothes made of drumskin.
26 October 1996 - MEDIEVAL ALCHEMIST
The Alchemists' Guild has stripped me of my rank because I accidentally turned a sweetie into a horn.
Now jobless, homeless and penniless, I'm forced to wander the streets like some filthy, boozed-up tramp. Which is in effect what I am. I may pay a visit to my father, the hilarious comedian, or my brother, the DIY expert. If worse comes to the worse, I could always glue a balloon to my stomach and pretend I'm a "street-wizard".
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