28 November 1996 - INSECT FARMER
I'm going to have to close down my insect farm, after I accidentally poured 45 gallons of DDT into the centipede sty.
I tried to explain to the Insect Farming Official that I thought the DDT was centipede lemonade, but he just hit my leg with his clipboard and locked me out of the farm. When I asked if I could go back in to get my trousers he refused, and I started freezing to death. Luckily I was abducted by aliens 36 seconds before I'd have died.