Insect Farmer
25 November 1996 - INSECT FARMER
I've finally found the job that I want to perform for the rest of my life: I've become an insect farmer!
It's not like you'd expect; every morning I get up at four to milk the spiders, then I clean out the fly sty before I shear the woodlice.
After that it's breakfast time, usually hard boiled ant eggs and pulped butterfly faces. If I get peckish around lunchtime, I'll suck the sap out of the termite queen's egg sac.
28 November 1996 - INSECT FARMER
I'm going to have to close down my insect farm, after I accidentally poured 45 gallons of DDT into the centipede sty.
I tried to explain to the Insect Farming Official that I thought the DDT was centipede lemonade, but he just hit my leg with his clipboard and locked me out of the farm. When I asked if I could go back in to get my trousers he refused, and I started freezing to death. Luckily I was abducted by aliens 36 seconds before I'd have died.
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