In Borstal
13/6/95-17/6/95
13 June 1995 - IN BORSTAL
Well, I'm in borstal, ain't I? I've already met some of the other lads, and they subjected me to a gruelling initiation exercise.
I was made to wear a foil jumpsuit and imitate a pudding.
This would've been alright, but I was made to do it in the guv'nor's khazi. He got so confused, he used an entire Toilet Duck on me.
15 June 1995 - IN BORSTAL
I've had a showdown with the borstal's Daddy.
It started when he heard I'd called him a "medal". I was summoned to his cell, and four of his cronies pushed me into a wooden ox.
Thankfully, I'd stuffed a copy of Focus down my pants, and it had a free Goretex vest mounted on the cover. I hardly felt a thing!
16 June 1995 - IN BORSTAL
The borstal's Daddy has had enough of my cheek, and arranged for me to have an accident.
It seems that when I'm next in the shower, his cronies will hook a powerful vacuum pump to the shower head and suck my arms up into it.
They intend to leave me hanging there for anything up to 83 months.
17 June 1995 - IN BORSTAL
That nasty Daddy has inadvertently ejected me from the borstal.
He was trying to have my arms sucked up into a shower head, but his henchman misunderstood the instructions, and instead drove me out of the gates in a "flower car".
I'm now in hiding at Jacob Davids' bizarre golem-shaped pagoda.
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