Centre Of The Earth
29/7/95-2/8/95
29 July 1995 - CENTRE OF THE EARTH
Having successfully faked my death, I'm now holed up in a volcano. My aim? To journey to the centre of the Earth.
I've hired a guide who knows what to do. His name is Lars Feet, and he's actually a snake. He's recommended we also take along his brother King-Features (bear), his cousin Bruin the Artist (ants) and his father Sparks (puffer fish).
31 July 1995 - CENTRE OF THE EARTH
On our journey to the Earth's core, we've already discovered traces of a previous expedition.
My guide Lars Feet, a snake, came across the journal of Pultney dei Romance, the French explorer. In a chilling entry he describes how his party were humiliated by a giant "living hive". He says the hive called them all "magnet-boys" and "cup-men".
1 August 1995 - CENTRE OF THE EARTH
Our journey to the centre of the Earth has run into further difficulties.
Yesterday we encountered a steaming tribe of "Magma Men". We managed to strike up a rapport, but came unstuck after Lars Feet (snake) tried to force their leader to milk his venom. He was so outraged by this that he summoned 12 lava wolves to spit putty into our navels.
2 August 1995 - CENTRE OF THE EARTH
We finally arrived at the Earth's core only to discover that we had been beaten to it.
It seems that over 12 years ago, a team of clever dogs founded a colony down here. They named it "Clued-Up Dog Town", and were ruled by a council of white puppies called The Persecutors. The colony was wiped out when something fell off the ceiling.
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