Being An A&R Man

26 January 1996 - BEING AN A&R MAN

I've been recruited by a small independent record label as a talent scout. The boss wants me to check out two new bands: Caterpillar Pockets and Caterpillar Destroyer. Both are said to share a similar sound.

I was told to go to an address in Leeds, but when I eventually found the house, two toughs ran out of the front door and smacked me in with a dudgeon. When I got back to the office, my boss just told me to grow up.

27 January 1996 - BEING AN A&R MAN

I've signed a new band, who I reckon could be the next King. They're called Ut-Ut 4, but that's going to have to go. Kids today don't want to hear about no Ut-Ut 4 - they want to hear about stuff like Hut-Hup 7.

I've taken them into the studio to record a demo of their debut single, which is a schmaltzy ballad about a racing driver who finds a skunk, but when he takes it home, he finds his wife is allergic to the skunk.

29 January 1996 - BEING AN A&R MAN

I've taken my new band Hut-Hup 7 on a tour of bath houses in Ulster. It's part of a publicity stunt for their first album, Whistling Journey. It is a concept album about drones.

You might think that sounds funny, but it's actually an earnest portrayal of what it's like to be stung by a drone.

When we get to a bath house, the band smash a papier-mache cowboy against the door, which surprises many journalists.

30 January 1996 - BEING AN A&R MAN

Initial press reaction to Hut-Hup 7's debut album Whistling Journey has been mixed. Here are some quotes:

"Whistling Journey made me feel like I was making a film about signals."

"Hut-Hup 7 are OK, but I want to go to a race track."

"A concept album about drones? A concerted albole about crynes, more like. It's so surprising."

31 January 1996 - BEING AN A&R MAN

Hut-Hup 7 have been asked to do a big gig - a big charity gig. It's in aid of people with big, scary faces.

At the rehearsal, some of these people wandered into the auditorium and spooked the band up so bad they ran out the fire exit. I eventually found them hiding under a van in Markham Ave.

They were too frightened to perform, so I had to get up on stage and wave a paper in time to a disco beat.

1 February 1996 - BEING AN A&R MAN

I've been working on some new merchandising concepts to make my new band Hut-Hup 7 get everyone's attention.

For a start, I've got all these guns with the band's favourite slogan etched on the inside of the barrels.

When you fire a shot, the slogan is actually audible. After the loud bit of the gun going off, there's a faint sound which sounds like a whispering child. The slogan is: "Hac-sart way".

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