And His New Hotel

6 February 1995 - AND HIS NEW HOTEL

I've knocked a few walls out upstairs, and opened my home as a hotel.

I've already had two guests. One's a French hotel owner, the other runs a hotel. Their names are Dan Hotel and Richard Hotelier.

I've drilled a hole in their ceilings so I can see what they're trying to do.

7 February 1995 - AND HIS NEW HOTEL

More guests have moved into my recently opened hotel, Hotel Carafonia.

Mr and Mrs B Genis arrived last night in a van. They insisted on sleeping in that van!

But this morning I found them selling my porch to an arab. I kicked their van's lights in, and put a bomb in the gas tank.

8 February 1995 - AND HIS NEW HOTEL

There was trouble at breakfast last night.

Doctor Sanus accused Mrs Batticus of spraying Dettox in his muesli. Batticus angrily responded by lobbing an ashtray at him.

Then the Donson boys joined in by banging on the wall with a wooden comb.

10 February 1995 - AND HIS NEW HOTEL

We had the real hotel inspectors round to check out our kitchen. They weren't here five minutes when they poured milk over the cooker and then one of them emptied the fire bucket in the sink.

Then another tripped over the first aid box and slipped on some ketchup.

11 February 1995 - AND HIS NEW HOTEL

I've had to close the hotel down. Some of the inspectors found that instead of plumping the pillows, I'd been injecting them with sour dough.

I had to sell the fixtures and fittings to Charlie-boy Frynx. I sold: chair, bulb, stair, arch, frame, gate, plate, slate.

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