The Blair Witch Project, then. The filmmakers were lauded as bright new talents, when almost anyone with a passing interst in films - or scaring their little brother at night with ghost stories and a big stick with a bogey on the end - could've made that film. There was no script. There was no characterisation. And there was no plot beyond "they get lost in the woods and scared shitless by crying children". Normally a film of such 6th form drama student leanings would never have caused as much of an ejaculation of critical jism (hype) as Blair Witch did, and it would be eternally consigned to the arthouse cinemas of the world, only to be watched by people like Tom Paulin and that fat bloke off of Late Review. So why was it such a phenomenon? Some people say the inventive way it was promoted on the Internet. But it was probably just because everyone thought that close-up shot of the girl's face with that snotty nose was real funnee...
EXT. THE WOODS
FRANK: These are really scary woods.
SHEILA: They certainly are. Just look at this here - a scary pile of stones!
FRANK: Stones? Noo! Nooooo!
SHEILA: We're all going to die, I tells you - die!
FRANK: Arrrgh! Stones!
SHEILA: Somebody help us, please! There are stones in this wood! Aaaaah (etc.).
EXT. THE WOODS
DAVE: Oh no! We've somehow become lost in the woods!
SHARON: Yes, and to make matters worse there are strange noises all around us... strange scary noises, as if somehow the wind was blowing the branches of the trees!
DAVE: Trees? Branches? Wind? Nooo! We're all going to die, I tells you!
SHARON: Yes! Help us!
DAVE: Somebody please help us! There are scary tree noises all around us!
EXT. THE WOODS
DAVE: (EXPLETIVE DELETED) witches!
SHARON: I've never (EXPLETIVE DELETED) so many (EXPLETIVE DELETED) horrible (EXPLETIVE DELETED) thing!
DAVE: I (EXPLETIVE DELETED) know what you (EXPLETIVE DELETED) mean!
SHARON: (EXPLETIVE DELETED)!
DAVE: Yes - (EXPLETIVE DELETED)!
SHARON: I'm going to (EXPLETIVE DELETED) the (EXPLETIVE DELETED) at the (EXPLETIVE DELETED) restaurant!
EXT. THE WOODS
DAVE: (EXPLETIVE DELETED) these woods!
SHARON: I (EXPLETIVE DELETED) have never liked (EXPLETIVE DELETED) seeing witches (EXPLETIVE DELETED) the woods!
DAVE: I and my tent are (EXPLETIVE DELETED) on fire again!
SHARON: (EXPLETIVE DELETED)!
DAVE: I (EXPLETIVE DELETED) agree!
SHARON: Look at the (EXPLETIVE DELETED) state of this (EXPLETIVE DELETED) carpet I bought!
Do you know of any important moments from the annals of Digi history that have been omitted? If so, then mail me (superpage58@gmail.com) right now, man. Credit will be duly given for anything that gets put up.
