Angry Parent
18 July 1998
Brrrrm! Whooosh! Ring-ring! Ah, that's the one. I'm Phoning Honey, the guy who calls them (games shops) on the phone, and performs pranks using his voice.
This week I called a shop with the intention of pretending to be an irate parent, enraged that his son was sold a game of an adult nature - with hilarious consequences! I have changed the names of the victims to prevent me having to seek permission for broadcast. Ring-ring!
"LITTLE GAMES", CENTRAL LONDON
US: Right. I'm not very happy with you.
LG: With me?
US: Do you make a habit of selling extreme entertainment to youngsters?
LG: Er... what is?
US: I don't expect to come home and see the most horrific images displayed on the family set. Blood. Gore. Sex. Hate. Do these have any meaning to you?
LG: Has... something happened?
US: Of course it has. You sold my son a form of extreme entertainment which I found utterly abhorrent.
LG: It was a game?
US: I'd hardly call it that.
LG: But that's what it was, yeah?
US: I suppose someone of a twisted disposition may refer to it as that.
LG: How old is your son?
US: Which son? I have two.
LG: Well, the son who bought the game.
US: He is 15 years old.
LG: Which game did he buy?
US: I don't know that. Something with people fighting to the death.
LG: He bought a beat 'em up? As far as I know, if he's 15, he's OK to buy most beat 'em ups.
US: You're condoning extreme violence?
LG: I'm not condoning it. I'm just saying that there's nothing we can do about it.
US: I don't know how you were brought up, son, but in our household we teach that extreme forms of entertainment encompassing violence or nudity are wholly immoral. My son has already been punished, now I want to punish you.
LG: Yeah? Look, if you don't like the game bring it back and we'll change it.
US: You don't expect me to come there, do you? I want you to come here.
LG: We're not about to come out and collect a game just because you think it's a bit too violent.
US: Other establishments perform similar functions. Harrods deliver, as do Pizza Hut.
LG: We're hardly Harrods, mate.
US: Don't you "mate" me. I was preaching sermons before you were born, laddie.
LG: Er... (STIFLES A LAUGH. HANGS UP)
Do you know of any important moments from the annals of Digi history that have been omitted? If so, then mail me (superpage58@gmail.com) right now, man. Credit will be duly given for anything that gets put up.
