Village Policeman
16/4/97-19/4/97
16 April 1997 - VILLAGE POLICEMAN
I've been getting to know the locals today. Last night I met Dunston Cheqsin, one of the local farmers. He has a unique approach to growing crops and that.
You see, Mr Cheqsin's farm is entirely submerged underwater. He claims that it saves him from having to keep his crops watered, and it means he doesn't have to waste time washing his aqualung-equipped cattle. I did wonder whether this traumatised his cows in any way, but he assured me they love it.
18 April 1997 - VILLAGE POLICEMAN
I went to the local pub last night in an attempt to blend in with the villagers, but I don't think it worked.
All went well, and I was chatting cheerfully to John Horseshape the butcher, when I suddenly got drunk and became violent. I threatened Horseshape with an ashtray, and kicked two tables over. Then I started punching the dartboard and tore it off the wall. Finally, I pushed a plant over and rolled in the soil. I wish stuff like this wouldn't happen.
19 April 1997 - VILLAGE POLICEMAN
Nothing ever happens in this stupid village. I've been forced to fake crimes, so the villagers don't think I'm being lazy.
Last night I dressed a horse up as a bank robber and chased it around the village green. Later, I broke into the newsagents and changed all the headlines on the newspapers to read "Village Cop Stops Crimes". Then I drew a picture of a arsonist on a tree and pretended to arrest it.
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