The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Sold Into Slavery


12 March 1996 - SOLD INTO SLAVERY

Some traders came ashore on my desert island yesterday, which seemed like good news. But when I went up and asked to be rescued, one of them smacked my forehead with a spark plug on a rope and forced me into a dustbin.

It turns out they're a gang of slavers, and I'm to be sold to a Mr N Till, 64, of Papua New Guinea. Mr Till lists his hobbies as ballroom dancing, reading books about WW2, and punching slaves in the chest and legs.

13 March 1996 - SOLD INTO SLAVERY

My new master, Mr N Till, has set me to work on his estate.

He's a good man in many ways - this morning, for instance, he gave all his wounded slaves a big hug.

But at lunch, he gets drunk, then creeps around the fields with a unicorn mask on and whispers swear words at us. When he came up behind me I thought he was a street entertainer and knocked his legs away with a big stick of sugar cane. But he just lay there laughing!

15 March 1996 - SOLD INTO SLAVERY

Last night, I led a slave revolt against the tyranny of Mr N Till.

We gathered outside his bedroom window making hooting sounds to lure him out onto his balcony. When he did so, I threw a burning bike tyre at him.

We rushed into his house and began looting valuables. We were in a bit of a rush, but as I gathered up all the jewellery, I still found time to give one of the youngsters a necklace.

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