Is A Tabloid Hack Now
18/2/95-24/2/95
18 February 1995 - IS A TABLOID HACK NOW
I've got a job on a tabloid newspaper, The Men - life's always better in The Men!
My first assignment was to stake out the house of famous soap star Jonah Freshie.
It seems that Freshie was seen sucking all the kelp up from a canal. I'm going to break into his house.
21 February 1995 - IS A TABLOID HACK NOW
I've been pulled off the Jonah Freshie story.
I was working together with our ace lensman, Foto Mercy, to try and get an incriminating shot of Freshie eating rice off a phone.
We found his dog and tied a camera to its jaw, but it proved a little heavy. The dog fainted in the hall.
22 February 1995 - IS A TABLOID HACK NOW
As punishment for my earlier errors, I've been demoted to sorting the bingo entries.
People are so stupid: one entrant thought the idea was to shout all the numbers, and won't leave me alone.
Another tried to cheat by making all the big numbers (17, 54 and 6) into a poem about health.
23 February 1995 - IS A TABLOID HACK NOW
I've been appointed as the paper's shaving columnist - I'm Captain Shave!
I've had a letter from EF Cyrile of Kent, who had to sell all his razors to pay off his fishing bills.
Shave says: "Don't worry, Mr Cyrile - I'm sending you a big pond!"
24 February 1995 - IS CAPTAIN SHAVE NOW
Dear Captain Shave, I had to sell all my shaving foam to pay my wife's gun licence. Consequently I cannot shave no more. Mr QV See, Birmingham
Shave says: "That sounds a likely story, Mr QV See. The only foam I'll be sending you will be on the end of a rocket!"
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