Hot Air Balloon
17 August 1999 - HOT AIR BALLOON
I'm attempting to be the first person to circumnavigate the globe in a hot air balloon. The first stage of my preparation for this record-breaking attempt, was to look up the word "circumnavigate" in a dictionary. Satisified that I had a firm grasp of the concept, I moved to the word "globe".
Finally, to ensure I wasn't taking any undue risks, I also checked the meaning of the words "hot", "air", "balloon", "certain", "death" and "lunacy", the latter three of which were levelled at me during a recent press conference.
18 August 1999 - HOT AIR BALLOON
I'm attempting to be the first person to circumnavigate the globe in a hot air balloon. However, I've been having some difficulty with the design of the balloon itself.
My plan to shape it like the Robinson's Marmalade mascot ran into trouble with our sponsor, Minky Dave The Giant, who declared it "morally questionable".
I've had to settle on a design approved by Minky Dave himself. Unfortunately, Dave's design requires six big holes to be cut into the fabric of the balloon. This may affect its perfromance.
19 August 1999 - HOT AIR BALLOON
My round-the-world record attempt has finally gotten off the ground. However, the flight has not been without its problems. My sponsor, Minky Dave, the world's only 16 feet tall man, has insisted on being my co-pilot. Unfortunately, the cabin is only six feet high.
Due to the cramped conditions, Minky Dave is unable to sleep, and his constant complaining, and sleep deprivation-induced hallucinations are keeping me awake at night. Also, last night Minky Dave set fire to the balloon with his flamethrower.
20 August 1999 - HOT AIR BALLOON
My round-the-world record attempt isn't going too well. My co-pilot and sponsor, Minky Dave The Giant, insists on throwing things at people on the ground. I estimate we've already lost 50% of our supplies and equipment as a result.
However, I am forced to go along with Minky Dave's antics, lest he decide to cut the sponsorship, which would possibly cause the balloon to explode. Also, he insists I score his throwing out of ten. To date he hasn't scored more than six out of ten, which he got for striking a cowboy with my shoes.