11 August 1998 - CARTOON KIDNAP
I've finally been let out of the clown hospital, my pretend illnesses having been cured. Unfortunately, I've been kidnapped by a gang of cartoon characters. I can't be sure, as I'm blindfolded, but I think they're led by Hairy Jeremy.
The only ones I got a good look at were Snagglepuss, Shaggy out of Scooby Doo - who threatened me with a knife - and Wattu Wattu: Super-Bird. Some of these cartoon characters are so obscure the police will never find me.
12 August 1998 - CARTOON KIDNAP
I've been kidnapped by a bunch of obscure cartoon characters, who are keeping me locked in a cellar. Twice a day one of them comes down to give me my dinner, which usually consists of peas and stuffing.
I've tried to strike up a relationship with Crystal Tips, but I think she thought it a bit funny that I was coming onto her, given my current predicament. However, The New Schmoo has been more receptive to my advances.
14 August 1998 - CARTOON KIDNAP
Last night I made a bid to escape my obscure cartoon kidnappers. Unfortunately, as I scrambled out of the cellar window, I was dragged back in by Baba Papa and Inch High Private Eye.
I was dragged across the cellar floor by my ankles and chained to a bed. Together with King Rollo, Rhubarb, Custard and Mr Benn, I got the beating of my life. And then, as if by magic, a shopkeeper appeared. He also joined in the beating.