19 June 1998 - ASTRONAUT
I've got a new job now as an astronaut for NASA. My first job is to go to the Moon. When my boss, Neil Armstrong, told me this, I asked him how would I be able to stand on the Moon, as it's so small.
Mr Armstrong's reaction was to break one of my hips. Apparently, this joke has become so common in NASA that to utter it is considered a grave breach of spaceman protocol. As I was recovering in the infirmary, Buzz Lightyear - the second man on the Moon - visited me, and gave me an orange.
24 June 1998 - ASTRONAUT
Hank, my co-pilot, and I have reached the moon in our space rocket. To be honest it isn't quite what I was expecting. For instance, far from being a desolate, empty rock, there are blue skies, and it's full of colourful humanoid aliens.
There are even shops and buildings here, such as Kilburn Autoparts And Repair Centre, F & P News And Chews, Kilburn Clothing Warehouse, Woolworths, Goldman And Sons Solicitors, and the Kilburn Snooker And Pool Hall. We shall gather samples of moon rock and return.