The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


A Butler


31 May 1997 - A BUTLER

I've stopped being a movie director because it became boring. I have a new job now as a butler.

I work in a big house owned by Lord Bibby Snott Toddy III. He's a strict employer, but also a fair one. When I put one pea too many on his plate last night - which I accept I shouldn't have done - he tied me to a lampost and filled my mouth with sand. When I apologised too much, he kneecapped me and threw me in a quarry.

2 June 1997 - A BUTLER

Being a butler is hard work, but it is also rewarding. Last night I was sent out to pick up my master's top hat from the dry cleaners.

He had given me a time frame of eight seconds in which to travel the three miles to the dry cleaners and return. Suffice to say I was a little late, but I accept it was my fault. When my master punished me by glueing me to a third floor window and then kicking me through it, I could hardly complain.

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