The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Gift For Niece

5 April 1997

Phoning Honey here, back for a second week of the stupid. Phoning. Pranks.

Last week I mentioned the eggs. This week I'm talking about the girls. You see, I've posed as a concerned uncle wanting to buy a gift for his young niece.

You know, once again the names of the shops have been changed to protect the innocents.


US: Greetings. I am in the business of purchasing gifts for my niece, though I have little experience of such transactions.

MG: Sorry?

US: I wish you to partake in an exchange of information with me. Information regarding computer consoles, and their suitability for the fairer sex. To wit: little girls.

MG: Sorry, what is it you want? You want to buy a console?

US: I do. It is for my niece. I hope there won't be any problems.

MG: I shouldn't think so. So, what does she want?

US: That is not the reason why I am speaking with you. I have heard of the extreme violence depicted upon consoles. Will it damage her?

MG: Damage her? Well, as long as you're careful not to buy anything violent, you should be alright?

US: Violent? You mean like a whip?

MG: No, any violent video games. As long as you stick with sports games or...

US: Boxing is violent.

MG: Then don't buy any boxing games.

US: There is something I really do need to know before handing over cash. These console games, are they suitable for young girls?

MG: Like I just said, as long as you stick to the right sort of games.

US: No, you don't understand. Are the console games suitable for young, girl rabbits and guinea pigs.

MG: Er...

US: Hello? Hello?

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