The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Talk To Vegetables


19 September 1998 - TALK TO VEGETABLES

I've discovered I have an unusual and unique talent: I am able to talk to vegetables.

Oh, I can converse with the broad bean. Discuss verse with the green bean. Engage in conversation with the pea. I can chat away to carrots, talk away with shallots, discuss weather with the potato and the beet! I can talk to the vegetables, jaw with the vegetables, I can talk to the vegetables: do you see?

I think you get the idea.

22 September 1998 - TALK TO VEGETABLES

I've decided to put my ability to talk to vegetables to good use, and set up a stall in the high street offering to talk to customers' vegetables.

However, it's not gone terribly well, and to date I've only had one customer who thought I was selling my trestle table. Nevertheless, he let me talk to his pumpkin, and we discovered that the pumpkin found itself alone as the biggest and most orange of the squashes. It wanted to be more like the swede, which is smaller and white.

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