The Man With A Long Chin's Diary




26 March 2001 - SUBMARINE

Hello everyone. I've got a new job working in a submarine. I had hoped to get a commission working on a yellow submarine, but my commanding officer tells me that the British Navy only has grey ones.

Also, he ordered me to be locked in a cupboard last night, claiming that my "constant references to Ringo Starr are becoming an annoyance".

Luckily, I managed to escape, and fired his shoes out of the torpedo tube, for a joke. Unfortunately, he failed to see the funny side, and had me shot.

27 March 2001 - SUBMARINE

It's a lot of fun working on a submarine, but it would be even more fun if my commanding officer wasn't such a moody old stick-in-the-mud. I tell you, that guy has no sense of fun.

Yesterday he threatened to have me court martialled for firing an elastic band in his eye, while he was looking up the periscope.

He wouldn't even listen when I said I'd been aiming at the communications officer, Josh Svenson.

28 March 2001 - SUBMARINE

I'm ashamed to admit I've been fired from my job as a man who works on a submarine. See, I thought it would be funny to fire a number of sea mammals out of the torpedo tubes - and it was for a time.

Unfortunately, during my last porpoise shot I forgot to open the tube door, and the resultant mess, and subsequent backwash, was grounds for my immediate dismissal.

Worse still, I then had to go into the tube - naked - and clean it out with a travel toothbrush and a fishslice.

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