Old Folk In The Attic
16/5/94-24/5/94
16 May 1994 - OLD FOLK IN THE ATTIC
It was all a big, stupid joke. I never really became an angel, I was just sorting out my new mortgage.
The house I've bought used to be an old folk's home. It closed down when all the old folk became young after drinking from a keg of saline.
17 May 1994 - OLD FOLK IN THE ATTIC
This old folk's home I've bought isn't empty after all.
I went up into the loft last night and around forty geezers rushed at me with pitchforks. There were tall ones, and short ones, and wide ones and thin ones...
The police are coming today to kill them.
20 May 1994 - OLD FOLK IN THE ATTIC
I killed those rats. Now it's time to deal with the old stove in my kitchen.
It's connected to a pipe which leads up into the attic where those irritating old folk live.
I'm going to send a small spaceman up there with a sword.
21 May 1994 - OLD FOLK IN THE ATTIC
I rang up the Small Spaceman Agency last night, and they've agreed to let me have Michael Collins - the second man on the Moon - on interest-free credit.
He'll be helping me with the old folk infestation in my attic. He comes with a nice, big sword.
23 May 1994 - OLD FOLK IN THE ATTIC
My Mike Collins - second man on the Moon - arrived this morning. He's already been up in the attic and given the old folk infestation a good talking to!
Before the end of the week there won't be any left. He's been fluffing them around with his bare hands!
24 May 1994 - OLD FOLK IN THE ATTIC
I woke up this morning and found my Mike Collins broken at the foot of my bed.
There was a note hooked through his massive eyelid. It was from the old people. It read: "We don't want no more hassle, Collins." They must think I'm Collins!
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