The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Novelty Shop


27 February 2001 - NOVELTY SHOP

I've got a new job working in one of those stupid novelty shops that sell lava lamps, clockwork toy nuns that spit sparks and rubbishy inflatable cacti.

You certainly have to wonder why anyone would ever want something from this shop, but you'd be surprised by some of the rubbish people buy. Today I sold four wall clocks made from mummified piglets, and an inflatable chair in the shape of Martin Luther King.

We're also selling a lot of joke "Electric Shock Cuttlefish".

28 February 2001 - NOVELTY SHOP

Working in this rubbish novelty item shop is a lot of fun. I just like being around all these pointless novelties, such as plasma balls and Big Mouth Billy Bass.

In fact, we've just taken a delivery of a shipment of novelties inspired by the success of the aforementioned singing plastic fish.

For instance, our new Big Mouth Berwick-On-Tweed is a full-scale replica of Berwick-On-Tweed that hums the theme music of Only Fools And Horses whenever you pass by.

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