Jack Frost

6 November 1998 - JACK FROST

I've stopped being an African ambassador now, and have a new job as Jack Frost, the man who puts frost on the ground when it gets cold. The previous Jack Frost had to retire after he was attacked by an ostrich. His nerves were apparently badly rattled by the incident, and he want to spend more time tending to his garden and walking.

Whatever the case, I'm going to make sure that I don't get attacked by an ostrich, by doing my rounds equipped with a hammer and a noose.

7 November 1998 - JACK FROST

It's all well and good being Jack Frost, the man who puts frost on the ground when it gets cold, but my resources are severely over-stretched. Also my official Jack Frost uniform has seen better days: most of the sequins have fallen off, and there's a big hole in one of my Dr Martens.

I've designed a new uniform which I intend to present to my employers. It looks a bit like an antique deep sea divers' outfit, but with a Bart Simpson mask instead of a helmet.

9 November 1998 - JACK FROST

I broke one of the arch-rules of being Jack Frost yesterday and received a ticking-off from my employers. I'd been gaily sprinkling my frost on a football pitch when I somehow managed to instigate a punch-up between myself and an elderly groundskeeper.

I can't quite remember how it happened, but I seem to recall him looking at me a bit funny, and me asking him what he thought he was looking at, and then me punching him in the mouth.

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