The Man With A Long Chin's Diary




20 October 2000 - INFLATABLES

I've got a new job working in an inflatables factory, producing things that inflate. It's a lot of fun, but the pay isn't too great; the inflatabes industry collapsed after they axed Cheggers Plays Pop, and now the firm just scrapes a profit.

Among the many inflatable things we produce here at Infalatalate Ltd are inflatable cattle for lonely farmers, inflatable wallpaper for clumsy drunks, inflatable baths for the frantic washer, and inflatable bubblegum bubbles for lazy chewers. My favourite is the inflatable balaclava-cum-klaxon.

23 October 2000 - INFLATABLES

It's a lot of fun working in this inflatables factory, but some of my colleagues have been here for years, and I think it's started to affect their brains.

Yesterday I was stirring the giant inflatable whale vat, when I caught sight of one of my colleagues spinning around in there, between the paddles. I immediately shut down the machine, but when I fished my colleague out he was furious. He started ranting on about sacrificing himself to "Rubberoth, Norse god of inflatable beach toys".

24 October 2000 - INFLATABLES

I've had to leave my job working in an inflatable factory, because it isn't funny enough. I tried to make things funnier, by bringing a horse into the factory, to see if anything wacky would happen, but the horse just tried to eat an inflatable crow, and choked on it.

Luckily it didn't die, but we had to call a vet, who removed the crow with a pair of forceps. I tried to turn things around by throwing a bucket of sand over the vet, but nobody laughed at that either. In fact, the vet got really cross and threw a tube at me.

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