The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Gorilla Watcher


16 October 1998 - GORILLA WATCHER

I've stopped being a pixie hunter now, because it was stupid. Instead I have a new job studying a family of apes up the Congo.

In order to integrate into the group better, I have bought a load of chocolate banana chews from the newsagents. I also have some sweet shrimps, in case the gorillas don't like the bananas. If that also fails, I resort to my back-up plan, which comes in the form of a big gun.

17 October 1998 - GORILLA WATCHER

I think the family of gorillas I've been studying are finally coming to accept my presence in their jungle.

Last night was the first night so far that I haven't had my tent smashed to bits by crazed apes, and my equipment destroyed. Coincidentally, last night was the first night of the expedition that I have not stayed up late drinking vodka and listening to music on my boombox. Perhaps the gorillas don't like Billie or B*Witched.

19 October 1998 - GORILLA WATCHER

My attempt to win respect from the gorillas I've been studying is not going well. Yesterday I dressed myself in a gorilla costume I'd hired prior to the expedition, and crawled into the gorillas' lair, where I began dancing around like a cheeky monkey!

Unfortunately, the effect of this was to drive the apes crazy, and I was lucky to escape with my life. The daddy gorilla dragged me up a tree, and kept me there for three hours while he "scented me".

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