Clown Shoe Shop

5 October 1999 - CLOWN SHOE SHOP

I've got a new job working in a shoe shop specialising in outsized footwear for clowns. It wouldn't be a bad job were it not for the fact that I have a pathological hatred of clowns and all they stand for.

Yesterday my manager, Mr Saul, asked me to fit a pair of flip-flops onto the massive comedy feet of a local clown, named Rollo Coco. I slid the flops over his repellant toes, fighting back the urge to punch him in his stupid clown face. Eventually, I could hold back no longer, and had to pretend I was dying in order to be excused.

6 October 1999 - CLOWN SHOE SHOP

Working in a shoe shop which specialises in footwear for clowns can be exhausting. Yesterday I was fitting a shoe on one customer, and he insisted on squirting me in the face with a water syphon, or throwing a pail of shredded paper over my head.

I complained to my manager, Mr Saul, but he calmly explained that this is the clown way and we should respect their unusual customs. I don't care what Mr Saul says. Next time I'm doing a fitting, I'm going to conceal a stiletto in my hem.

7 October 1999 - CLOWN SHOE SHOP

I fear I shall have to resign my position here at this shoe shop specialising in footwear for clowns. I'm sick to the back teeth with their pranks and capering. Just yesterday I was fitting a pair of oversized sneakers on a clown, when he "vibed my face" with a hand buzzer.

As if that wasn't annoying enough, he then pushed me over and tried to tickle me. I was knocking his hand away, and telling him to stop, but he just kept on tickling and honking a horn. I like a laugh as much as the next guy, but these clowns make me ill.

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