The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Cereal Designer


2 February 1999 - CEREAL DESIGNER

I've stopped being a stage hypnotist now, because it's not very funny. Instead, I have a new job as a breakfast cereal designer. The first cereal I have designed is called Chairman Mao Crunch.

The box features a cartoon image of the popular dictator eating some of the titular crunch, while the wheaty, crunchy reddish straw clumps inside have been given a light dusting of processed ginger. Also, the back of the box features a cut-out mask of Chairman Mao's cartoon dog, Sparky Young.

3 February 1999 - CEREAL DESIGNER

It's excellent being a cereal designer. My favourite bit of the job is when I get to devise what free toys to give away. We've recently signed a deal to produce a fun cereal based upon the adventures of Metropolitan Police chief Sir Paul Condon.

I'm considering giving away plastic heads of Sir Paul, which open up to reveal random mottos - much like a fortune cookie. Mottos will include: "I'm Sir Paul ConDON" and "The (Police) Force will be with you... always."

4 February 1999 - CEREAL DESIGNER

A breakdown in communication here at the breakfast cereal factory has landed us all in a spot of hot water. Yesterday I designed a new cereal, but the minute it hit the shelves we started getting reports that customers were being hospitalised.

It turns out that the man responsible for putting the flavour into our cereals mis-read my instructions for a "parson's nose-flavoured" cereal, and produced a cereal flavoured with "poisonous snow".

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