Being A Hypnotist
26 March 1996 - BEING A HYPNOTIST
I've discovered I have a gift for hypnotism, and have begun a stage career under the name The Irascible Pig.
In my first show, I asked the audience to imagine they were at the seaside. The ones who I decided would make suitable subjects all had sand flecked around their mouths, which was funny.
I dragged them into the stand and tried to convince them that I was Robert De Niro, but they just wouldn't have it.
27 March 1996 - BEING A HYPNOTIST
I've been honing my hypnotism skills by attempting to mesmerise shoppers in the local mall.
My technique is as follows: I go right up to the top level and dangle a metal plug over into the atrium. When people look at it, I shout down this hypnotic slogan: "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear".
The first person I tried it on was a security guard, who became confused and fell down some steps into an ashtray.