14 April 1996 - BALLOON CHALLENGE
My around-the-world balloon expedition has finally got under way - but not without problems.
First I had to bribe aviation officials who'd declared the blades on underside of my craft "unsafe". Then, the VIP I'd hired to launch the balloon got drunk and instead of cutting the guy rope, he kicked the basket over.
By the time I'd got off, the crowd was booing and hurling petrol bombs.
15 April 1996 - BALLOON CHALLENGE
The first stage of my balloon expedition is complete. Early this morning I passed over Gravesend and emptied a bucket of slops into a park.
Then, I circled round the shopping centre, dropping subversive literature urging teenagers to bunk off school the whole time.
Finally, I buzzed an old people's home and mooned through the upper windows.
16 April 1996 - BALLOON CHALLENGE
I passed over the Great Pyramids of Egypt last night, which gave me the opportunity to deface the Sphinx with a paintball gun.
By the time I'd finished it looked like the Sphinx was smirking and winking at the same time!
Then, I raced down Cairo High Street waving a massive Union Jack and shouting offensive slogans.
17 April 1996 - BALLOON CHALLENGE
My balloon challenge took me over the Kremlin last night, and I had a great time throwing little effigies of Medusa into gawping crowds of Russians.
I got into a bit of trouble when I leant out of the balloon to shout abuse at some soldiers, but got my ankle caught in the gas burner. I was propelled across Red Square, and into Lenin's house. This was unusual, as I thought it had been knocked down.