29 JULY 2016 - HORROR WRITER
I got punched in the face while sitting in stationary traffic the other day. Like Stephen King, I've decided to turn this powerful experience into a horror novel, which I'll probably just make up as I go along, and sell millions, even though the characters in all my books are thinly-veiled versions of myself. Here's the opening paragraph:
"A big man in a small town is something to be. The Dan had no idea what was waiting for him that summer day, a day which began like so many others. He got up, brushed his teeth, and took his car into town to grab a burger.
"He was sitting stationary in traffic when he was punched in the face. By A ZOMBIE!!!!! As the world fell apart in the days, weeks, and months to come, he did the only thing he knew how: he wrote a horror novel based upon his experience..."