The Man With A Long Chin's Diary


Atomic Scientist


25 February 1998 - ATOMIC SCIENTIST

I’ve stopped being a test pilot now to work as a scientist experimenting with the power of the atom. On my first day in the job I managed to create a race of giant ants with the intelligence of a 46 - year - old, graft a dog’s head onto a monkey’s knee, and make some real cracking fritters. Projects for the future include designing an atomic van, studying charged particles in a polarised vacuum, and seeing Flubber for the second time to get some more ideas.

26 February 1998 - ATOMIC SCIENTIST

Being an atomic scientist is quite good fun, but it isn't a job without its drawbacks. For example, I was working in the lab late last night, when I dropped a box-full of isotopes on the carpet, and accidentally inhaled some of the atomic gas.

I got terribly nauseous, and had to sit down for a few minutes. The nausea eventually passed, but when I recovered I discovered that the carpet had been badly irradiated by the spillage, and will need to be replaced. Cost: £177.

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